Syndicated

 

You Don't Have to Know What's What to Be in Who's Who
By Joe Mullich

I don't know if it is appropriate for us to get together anymore like this. Nothing personal, but I don't think I should really be seen talking with you all. You see, I have just been offered an invitation to be included in the "Who's Who Registry of Global Business Leaders." This directory is published by Who's Who Worldwide, out of New York, as a "confirmation and recognition of exceptional people." When a representative of Who's Who called me to tell me about my newfound status as a global business leader, he explained the benefits that this august honor carried:

"Your name or your company would be in the registry of Who's Who in Business, listing services you offer and at the same time each and every, um, several months you'd receive our magazine showing different interests and everything."

As you might expect, this took me aback since I am primarily a writer, but my friend was eager to fill in the pause.

"And this would be worldwide."

Certainly in this information age, we should all want to be worldwide.

"There are a lot of corporations in the world looking for people in certain areas and certain industries. Let's say, a company was building an industrial center in your area. They need the services of certain types of people. It may be publishing."

A company building an industrial center would need publishing services?

"It may be publishing. It may real estate. Maybe lawyers. Maybe doctors. Who knows? I don't know. I'm talking off the top my head."

And we global business leaders appreciate the ability to think fast on your feet. Keep going.

" But they would look up this in the directory and contact you. In the same way, you might need to find someone in England or London to do something for you."

Yes, someday I may well need to contact someone in England OR London, who is, say, building an industrial center there. I'm not sure why I would need to. Of course, I'm just talking off the top of my head.

"It's a great investment based on the assumption in these times you need Who's Who more than ever for networking."

What other honchos would I be networking with? Iacocca? Trump. Surely, Trump paid for a listing with a big gold border.

"I've got presidents of big corporations. Just look them up and you'll see who's there."

Who is listed?

"Who would be in the directory?"

Yeah. Who. As in Who's Who?

Sixty thousands people are in it!"

We could rent out the Rose Bowl and have a networking party. Of course, you noted that "for the sake of member privacy, you don't publish phone numbers," so it might be a bit hard to network.

"That's not all."

There's more?

"You get the Who's Who wall plaque."

A wall plaque?

"A plaque with your name, your company name, whoever. "

What would I do with a wall plaque?

"For your own prestige. Everybody likes a little prestige and PR, don't they? Nothing wrong with that.

Nothing at all! I noticed in a letter you sent me you noted that you represent the "largest who's who membership organization in the world." That certainly is prestigious. But if I hung the plaque, I wondered where would I put my Nobel certificate and other knickknacks.

"You don't just get the plaque."

There's more!

"You get the privilege of benefits for two years -- the newsletter, the listing, the PR."

PR?

"If you want listings of discounts for hotels and airlines -- the whole nine yards. If you're going to London, we would furnish you with where to stay. That's all done through our PR."

In other words, AAA -- take a hike!

It all sounded great, of course. The prestige and everything. And for only $97 (plus an additional $137 if I wanted to buy the directory). Unfortunately, I had to turn it down because I had already committed my Who's Who money. You see I'd also been selected for inclusion in "Two Thousand Notable American Men," a prestigious volume that wanted to honor me for my "exemplary performance in the field of poetry." Between you and me, I've never written a poem. But this honor has encouraged me so much, I've already dash off several limericks. I think it will be just the think to break the ice with my fellow global business leaders if you do ever get together.

My humorous essays and columns have appeared in dozens of newspapers and magazines. Email me if you'd like to see some that are available for reprint.

 

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